Psychological games that people play : 8. The Lover


the lover

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For my first post on this series, please click here.

When one sees the term “lover”, it’s unavoidable that feelings of romance and sensuality are evoked in one’s mind. This is probably due to the proliferation of the media promotion on beauty and aesthetics but most significantly..romance. In a world of technological advancement and societal isolation, everyone is out there looking for attention.

“This can most be seen most prevalently in singing competitions (which the media is constantly spurning out in recent years, often primarily due to competition, viewership and ratings) where some contestants would often inform the judges that they love music all their lives and that they want their music [and talent] to be recognised. In actuality, they were merely saying that they wanted attention and to be loved, which I believe all of us share the same sentiments. While technologies have brought us global communication and widespread cable entertainment, it’s doesn’t make us feel loved. “

How can one feel loved when their dining partners are busy typing away at their keyboards to answer their emails at 11p.m. in the evening? Or chatting to their partners who, in response, are busy “SMSing” their friends on their mobile phones?  Or busy downloading games from the phone apps store onto their phone to play in the later evenings? Or uploading photos of the food they have just ordered to Facebook for their friends’ comments on their gastronomic preference?

I believe that you catch my drift.

Everywhere one turns, indifference can be seen. It might not be personal. Nor need it be. People keep to themselves on the trains, dating websites (and online love scams) are on the rise,  emphasis are increasing on personal branding and focus has been re-directed to work-life balance.

“So, what people is looking for in contemporary times – more than ever – is love, or a feeling of being appreciated. “

This is where the role of the Lover – playable by both genders –  comes in. However, the Lover does not only represent romance.

“He stands for something more than that. He stands for the surrogate parent for the orphan, the perfect lover for singles, the companion and confidante of the isolated and the ostracised and the uplifting spirit for the dispirited and the disillusioned. “

With masculine acts of initiating conversations and feminine touches of concern, The Lover comes across as approachable – adorable in every sense of the word. Smooth and sleek, the Lover often impresses others first with their attire, and then by their demeanour.

But what is appearance without substances?

“The Lovers often exude their real charm in conversations and carefree banter, revealing their knowledge of the worlds through their words and dialogues with others. Well-read and  conversant, others are drawn towards them inexplicably and before long, the Lovers will lead the conversation to where they wants others to go, and have them in the palms of his hands before the evening comes to a close.”

Charismatic in conversation through a playful dance of compliments and sheer indulgence of others’ interest (which differs from a display of one’s intellectual prowess, as often displayed by the Sage), intense engagement through the potent combinations of the five human senses (unlike a single thematic engagement with humour, as often employed by the Clown / Jester), a flair for the theatrical drama that so enchants singles (unlike the straightforward assertiveness, as often exercised by the Alpha Male / Authoritarian), and exhibiting an unpredictability (as opposed to the undying loyalty so often exhibited by the Loyalist) that mesmerises others, the Lovers remain as enigmatic as they are seductive, and remain as one of the most powerful roles ever to be played by any individuals who share their proclivities and tendencies.

the lover

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Alter ego of the Lover:

The Casanova

When the role of the Lover is pushed to the extreme, he turns into the Casanova where – unlike the jester, where humour is paramount – appeal to the delight of others through a stimulation of their human senses in unpredictable and random fashion, enmeshing them in such a intricate web of intrigue that they remain ignorant to the fact that they are being played into the hands of the Casanova.

Attuned to the five human senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste and feel, the Lover is skilled with the combination of these elements to draw others to them. More than that, he understands human nature and more significantly, how compliments and vanity appeal to the human ears and minds, as well as how others’ vanity will ultimately prove to be their undoing.

Like puppets reacting to the strings of the puppeteer, others will act accordingly to the wishes of the Casanova and do his bidding with no resistance, for what resistance will there be towards someone who seeks to please them with loving words, arouse them with aromatic fragrance of lavender, tease them with mischievous whispers of sarcastic humour , and touch their arms with an affectionate smile?

However, if we can identify the fact that compliments and praises should be taken with a pinch of salt, and question the motives behind the lavishers, we will surely not fall prey to the Casonovas of this world.

In the next blog post, we will look at another role which people play the Observer / Investigator.


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