Personality transcends Communication Styles


The bookshelves in bookstores everywhere are filled with books on various communication styles that we can adopt to get by in this world. The books seem to be the elixir that everyone is looking for to solve communication issues both in our personal lives and in the workplace. However, if one were to look at the issues of communication that permeates our lives, we will realise that interpersonal communication is very complex and sophisticated. In fact, it should be reasonable to surmise that no books in this world – no matter how comprehensive it is- are able to cover every aspect of communication that – like all things in life – changes in every moment of our lives.

Understanding this is good. But there’s something else that is more crucial that we should take note of as communicators. That is, between our personality and communication styles, our personality usually dominates. Hence, it will be fair to say that we usually adopt a particular communication style that is aligned with our personality, and not vice versa.  This observation is also the main cause of conflicts in this world, since conflicts often result from personality differences (other than the existence of conflict of interest(s))

Therefore, as communicators, we should choose a communication style that suits our personality style and align ourselves with that. Contrary to what some books have advised on changing our communication styles to suit the specific situations, we should hold on fast to the communication style that suits us best.  When we do this, we are being true to ourselves as sincere communicators.

Nevertheless, conflicts will result. So how do we deal with this issue then? Well, most conflicts can be resolved with three simple phrases:

  • Please
  • Thank you
  • I am sorry

The solution may sound simple but from my personal experiences, these three phrases are the most effective solution to conflict resolution.

Practise using them and see for yourself.


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